There's an event every year where the superdogs go

It's hooge and it massiff it's crufties dog show

This year I'll be going to tell you my stories

The funny stuff, drama, the tears and the glory’s

A sqwillion doglets and the hoomans who bring them

Makes for something that looks like organised mayhem

And you may fink for going I'm really quite mad

But it's worth it to see how they cope there with dad

He wanders around like a chicken with no head

I can do what I want he's so easily led

So it's off to the stands where the free samples are

Cos it keeps him away from his favourite....the bar

We'll go off to the ring where they do all the showing

And a part of me finks I'd quite like to be going

To walk on that carpet would be quite a thing

And worth it to see dad's attempt at mincing

But it's not for me it's no longer a plan

Thanks to that hooman the vetandhairyman

I'll stand on the side and watch all the fun

But I can't help but fink I'd have quite liked a run

I can hear all the hoomans who are watching the show

Some whisper a lot so that others don't know

'Look at her in that skirt'....'is that judge for real'

They must be quite sad, well that's what I feel

But mostly it's fun and there's fusses all day

And even the heffalump can come down and play

Let's hope she behaves cos last year she didn't

The poo vac stand wished her good riddance

It was set up all pretty with make believe grass

To show all the hoomans they needed to purchase

The latest great gadget to pick up our mess

With real plastic poo's to give it a test

The hairy one fort it looked like a playground

And dragged mum across with a heffalump bound

She chased all the poo's and knocked them away

Don't know what they said.....mum didn't stay

But despite Cookie bear they've asked us once more

And I'll be your repawter, I'll give you the tour

The egos the tantrums and the folk going mad

But I'll try not to write everything about dad

So it's not long to go and I really can't wait

To be there in person and to walk through that gate

In the mean time I'll dream as by the fire I nod

'The winner of crufties this year...... Monty dogge'....