All I keep seeing is the hoomans saying how tough the lockdown stuff is and them moaning about having to sit around all day doin nuffin….Well me licckle hairless bipeds if you fink that’s hard then you should try being me during this difficult time.

I’m going to say one word…DELIVERIES. I usually have one job, and that’s barking at the postyman once a day but since the hoomans have stopped going out my life has become tougher than understanding the pollyticians daily briefings.

We used to have a couple of deliveries a week but now it’s three or four a day. The trouble is I have to bark at em wherever I am and sometimes I actually have to R.U.N. yes you heard right. I know it’s not really my thang but if I’m asleep in the garden and a van turns up what else can I do?

So far there have been no burgliers or zombies but you can never be too sure so I sprint, I do use that term loosely, to the front door and give it me big boy bark and show em me pearly whites. Some of the delivery peoples do look a bit nervous and some even go a kind of grey colour which is quite funny.

Sometimes though I do get some help cos we have an early warning system up the street. This is the house with about six lassie asbo’s and they are always out in the front garden on their leads yapping at everything that passes. When me and the heffalump go for a walk they go absolutely crazy. I fink one day they might actually explode cos they get so worked up. When they start their hooman mum gets all flustered and she tries to stop their silly high pitched barking by tapping them on the nose one by one when they start.

I don’t know why she bovvers cos it makes no difference and she just looks like she’s playing a licckle set of small hairy drums. It gives me and the hairy hippo a laff though and if we walk really slowly past them it’s even better. The finishing touch is when I do number one’s just across the street and that has them spinning right round like a record baby right round round round…….

This can be useful though cos they are usually really yappy when a van turns up so it gives me a bit of time to get to the front door wivout exerting meself too much cos it’s a tough life being me…

So no more moaning hoomans cos until you see my day you don’t you’re born do you?

Anyways it’s time for a snooze….Zzzzzzzz